To The One Who Got Away

I liked it better when you weren't on facebook so much. It hurt my heart less. I loved, love, and will always love you(well at least a part of me). I am glad to see you making all your dreams come true, even if it isn't with me by your side.

Here It Is

Here is the page I wrote for my big brother for SA's memory book. I was finally able to write it with minimal crying.

SA,
JB admired you so much. He loved singing in the choir and came, many times, when his body was telling him he shouldnt. You encouraged him so much. I remember when the choir went to sing outside Mickey's house. Jeff wasn't feeling well at all that day. But he came anyway. He gave himself his medicine through his pic line on the drive to the church and was able to gather enough strength to sing. He enjoyed that bus ride. I think he felt like it gave him a chance to get to know you better. Thank you so much for being an awesome encourager and leader to him. The week he was in the hospital, he was so saddened to realize that he was not going to be able to sing in the Christmas program. He kept making sure to remind me to tell you how sorry he was. Again, thank you so much for being such an encourager to him. You meant more to him than you will ever know.

This Is Harder Than I Thought

Writing your page for SA's memory book is really hard. Every time I try to write it, I cry. I am beginning to sound like a broken record. I miss you soo much. This wasn't the plan for our lives, big brother. I have to write your page today so I will just have to "grin and bare it". I promise to make it as eloquent as possible.

2 Months Later, Brother

Two months after our Lord called you home to be with him, I'm sitting here trying to find the words to write for your page in SA's memory book. SA and his family are leaving HSBC and going to serve on staff at a church in GA. The choir is putting together a memory book and you get a page. This is not easy. Should I tell him how much you respected him? Should I tell him how much you enjoyed singing in the choir under his leadership? Should I tell him how sad you were that you weren't going to get to sing in the Christmas program because of the infection that was wreaking havoc on your body the weeks before you passed? Should I tell him, how eternally grateful I am to him for welcoming you into the choir and thereby giving us the opportunity to reconnect and thereby giving me those precious 4 months with you? What should I tell him?

Give Me Jesus

In the morning when I rise

In the morning when I rise

Oh in the morning when I rise

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world

Just give me Jesus

When I am alone

When I am alone

Oh when I am alone

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world

Just give me Jesus

When I come to die

When I come to die

Oh when I come to die

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world

Just give me Jesus

Such a beautiful song. I played this song over and over in the days leading up to JBs funeral. This song will probably always remind me of him. In those days, I just focused on the last verse. As I sat in the hospital with JB the week before his death, all he wanted was his Jesus. Nothing else mattered to him but his Jesus. Jesus was everything to him. But now almost two months later I can see that this song is a great testimony of JBs life. When he woke in the morning, he wanted his Jesus. When he was alone, and he was a lot, he wanted his Jesus. JB was very private about his illness. He didn't want to burden anyone. This attitude left him alone, by his own choosing, a lot. He chose not to lean on the comfort of friends but on his sweet Jesus. And finally, when God home, and delivered him from the pain that cancer held on his body, he wanted his Jesus. Oh I pray, that our Savior is gracious enough to allow me to develop that kind of relationship with Him.