4 Months Later, Brother

4 months ago this morning, I got the call from MA that brought me to me knees. A lot has happened in 4 months. I feel like I've grown so much in these 4 months. I think you would be proud of me. Losing you, was a milestone in my life. I feel like I have matured more in the past 4 months than I have in years. I am by no means at 25 the same person I was at 23. I'm really beginning to grasp what life without you is like and accept it. I love and miss you, brother.

A Question Answered, Brother

A few weeks ago, I wondered who of the those of us that were the closest to you would be the first to change our profile pic on fb to one that didn't have you in it. Today, I have my answer. It was me. I felt at peace with changing my pic to one of just me. I still miss you, brother. And I will always love you. But as the 4 month anniversary of your homecoming arrives later this week, I will have a different profile pic.

Sweet Pancake Memories

Walking through walmart yesterday, I saw I bottle of bisquik shake and pour pancakes. I laughed and thought of you. "She bought the shake and pour pancakes...I can't teach her to make pancakes with THAT" I love you, brother.

The Phrase That Strikes Fear In My Heart

Brother, I didn't realize how much fear the phrase "colon cancer" puts in my heart. That simple phrase strikes so much fear in my heart. I know the cancer ultimately wasn't what took you from me. I know that it was the blood clot caused by your pic line that ultimately took you from me. Yet, the phrase "colon cancer" now terrifies me. My stepmother is currently undergoing tests for colon cancer and it scares me. I saw the pain that the disease caused you and I don't want her to go through that too. I didn't realize how scared I was of that phrase until I heard the words come out of my dad's mouth yesterday. I miss you. This would be easier to walk through if you were holding my hand but I rejoice that you are worshiping at the feet of our sweet Jesus.

Tears

I think I could cry myself to sleep for the first time since the initial days after you passed away, brother. Life would be a lot easier with you here. I miss you so much.

I Wonder

Its been 3 months since you left us. I wonder when the 3 of us that were so close to you will find it appropriate to change our facebook profile picture to a pic that doesnt have you in it.

State Evangelism Conference

Well, first conference/convention without you, brother. Three musketeers made it through it with minimal crying. SA and MA came back for it. It was the last time we will sing as a choir under his leadership. God has big plans for them in ATL. Can't wait to see how he uses them at FBCJ. We missed you tonight, brother. But we made it through it. Love you.